How to Fart in Public without Being Noticed (This is Hilarious)

 

So how do you fart in an elevator or at a movie, or while you’re just out on a date or out with pals? Here’s a complete guide to farting in public without ever getting caught!

Let it Rip:
Don’t be afraid to let it rip anywhere, anytime. Chances are if it’s in a public place with loads of people around, all heads will be turning at each other in suspicion. You must do the same. Act normal, and let the smell intoxicate the zone around you. Remember, the fart is your oyster.

Face Off:The most important part about farting is preventing anybody from seeing you do that hard-to-avoid facial expression upon release. Instead, release it naturally, and the moment you see someone else with a disgusted face, you must express disgust, subtly. It shouldn’t be a case of you noticing the fart first. In most cases, whoever detected it, ejected it.

Chain Reaction: Now that you’ve shown your disapproval, look around you and without pointing fingers per se, instead look at someone that looks like a farter, in disgust. The likelihood is that all others will look towards this person too. You need to be the ‘adult’ here. Lead others away from the act as if you’re a fireman on duty. Your leadership skills will be rewarded with glances of praise for your skill in dealing with the crime. At this point try not to release any more. Keep these in reserve for your next step, walking away.

Walk the Line Slowly, but in calculated fashion, walk confidently away from the scene of the crime and take out your mobile to show you’re a busy person who doesn’t have time for all this farting about. Your walk should be cool, like you’re an ubersexual on the Paris catwalk.

Wherever you may be, let your wind pass free

Swimming pools are always a good bet, even though bubbles will rise when you let it go. You can just flap your hands around when the bubbles rise indicating that the bubbles are a result of your hand waves and not your arse tremors.

If you need to let one go in the cinema, do it. With Dolby Surround Sound fitted into most cinemas, any scene usually has music or loud moments. Be opportunistic and release when the time is right.

Playing sports is always a good way to fart in public, especially with any sports involving running. Nobody can notice it because the adrenalin takes away anybody’s sense of noticing such an act

Covert Farting Techniques!

Cough loudly when you fart.

Act cool and suave, as if you would never fart.

Fart when dressed smartly. Chances are, you don’t fart compared to someone in jeans and sneakers.

If you’re out on a first date, let it be silent but violent. And go blaming it on the waiter while he poured the wine.

If in a meeting, let it out. But use the ‘squeaky chair’ you’re sitting on as an excuse.


 Lovepanky